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<font color="

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Mmm, yeah.

12
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What are you doing?

13
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I'm going to sleep. Jimmy,
this is the last night
we've got the house to ourselves.

14
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Exactly. That's why I need my sleep.

15
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Oi, Casanova, wake up!

16
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:48,400
<font color="

17
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I've gotta get up at six, tidy
the house and get to the airport in
time to pick up Diana and the kids.

18
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Jimmy, we're alone in
the house, the kids are away.

19
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I'm not even supposed to be here.

20
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Don't you feel
<font color="

21
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I've felt the teensiest bit
naughty in every room in the house.
Give a man a break!

22
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Well, if you're gonna have a break,
stick the kettle on, then.

23
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You know a cup of tea
gets you going.

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Yeah, all right.

25
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<font color="

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when you come back, I might have
something hot and steamy for you.

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All right. Or I'll bring you
up something with a handle

28
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and a spout...

29
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made of China.

30
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I'm no good at this, am I?
<font color="

31
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Siobhan? What?
I can't find any clean mugs.

32
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Well, wash some!

33
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I can't find any dirty mugs either.

34
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It's a bit of a mess down here.

35
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Oh, f-f-f-f-flip.

36
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I've...

37
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<font color="

38
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:50,560
You're back early.
How was your trip?

39
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It's like we've never been away,

40
00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:55,720
apart from the
three-foot layer of rubbish.

41
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Well, as you can see,
I was in the middle of getting
everything nice and tidy for you.

42
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,880
<font color="
tidier than this.

43
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I like what you've done with
the place. It's got a real
Womble chic thing going on.

44
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You were supposed to
meet us at the airport.

45
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Ah. Yeah. This'll make you laugh.

46
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<font color="
at 10am tomorrow, when in fact

47
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you flew in at 10pm tonight!

48
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Well, you gotta see the funny side.

49
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We've got to, have we?

50
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Thank you.

51
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Now, who wants...

52
00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:35,640
to watch the telly?

53
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You've had two weeks, Dad.

54
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<font color="

55
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So, how was Africa?

56
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Ah, the boundless savannah,
the blood-red sunsets,
the strange brands of biscuit.

57
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Should have been there, Dad.

58
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He should have been at the airport.

59
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Look what I got.

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<font color="

61
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I can see that.

62
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You can have that back
when you're 18.

63
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It took me ages to carve that.

64
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So, enlighten me.

65
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What exactly have you been doing

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for the past two weeks?

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<font color="
And not just the tea!

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Oh, hello!

69
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Siobhan, how did you get in?

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72
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Morning, sweetheart!
Oh, you noticed?

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Really missed you, you know.

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<font color="

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How was Africa? Hot.

76
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And another thing... Don't tell me
you've been there all night.

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I wanted to catch you early. We need
a talk. We had a talk last night.

78
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<font color="

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Look, I'm onto it. You see?

80
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It's about Siobhan.

81
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Oh. Has she been
spending the night here?

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Erm, ooh, let me think.

83
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Er, yes, I think she did, erm, once.

84
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You THINK she did. Well, did she?

85
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<font color="

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You can't remember? My, my,
the last of the red-hot lovers(!)

87
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All right, Diana, Siobhan has
been staying here. So what?

88
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So think of the effect
it might have on the children.

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They've just spent two weeks
<font color="
and her live-in boyfriend.

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That's different,

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that was thousands of miles away
and they're medical professionals.

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Don't be such a snob.

93
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There you go again,
changing the subject. And those
<font color="

94
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You could help me with this,
you know, give yourself a break,

95
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take the weight off
that high horse of yours.

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Ooh, Jimmy, you'd better
get a move on

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if you're going to pick us up
<font color="

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She had to come back just as I'd
forgotten the sound of her voice.

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I'll get these, mate, seeing as
you're having a hard time.

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Who says I'm having a hard time?

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You. All morning.
<font color="

102
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Well, can you blame me?

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She's barely set foot in the house
and she's on my case, whoosh,
like a fox homing in on a chicken.

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Like a truck
bearing down on a terrified rabbit.

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Or a heat-seeking missile locking
<font color="

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Or a neurotoxin attacking
the central nervous system.

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See? Bobby gets it.

108
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But you know the reason
for this persecution?

109
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All I did was let the house
get in a bit of a mess

110
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<font color="
from the airport,

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and they caught Siobhan half-naked
cos I've let her stay over.

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Which half?

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And then to top it all,
Molly's not talking to me.

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So? She's a teenager.
They're not meant to be chatty.

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<font color="

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Do you want my advice, Jimmy?

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No.

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Hi there. What can I get you?

119
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Oh.
It's all right, I'll wait for Bobby.

120
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Oh, not this again.

121
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I'm sorry, Siobhan, I don't like
being served by my girlfriend.

122
00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:46,440
<font color="
here now, so get used to it.

123
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Erm... Oh, just treat me like
a normal barmaid and I will
treat you like a normal punter.

124
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All right, all right.

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Get us a Coke, love, and hurry up.
<font color="

126
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,520
Molly around? She's upstairs.

127
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Do you think
she'd like a cup of tea?

128
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Well, why don't you ask her?

129
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My God, it's CSI: Suburbia.

130
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Have you ID'd the victim?

131
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It'll be you if you let the house
<font color="

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I tidied it this morning.
That was a MAN tidy.

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I've had to take the afternoon
off work to do a proper tidy,

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all the little things you missed,
all the little things you can't see.

135
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:33,920
Well, if you can't see them, what's
<font color="

136
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That's exactly the attitude
that caused the Black Death.

137
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What? It wiped out
over a third of the population
of Europe in the late 1340s.

138
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Oh, sorry, Diana,
you're not pinning that on me.

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<font color="

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00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:53,480
You can read about it on my blog.

141
00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:55,120
Or you could just tell me now.

142
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It's amazing. Of course, there was
lots of poverty and illness,
but it was great,

143
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everyone working really hard to make
things better like, er, Comic Relief

144
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<font color="

145
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,200
Wow. What, Ant and Dec there?

146
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:11,280
No. Do you know what? When I leave
school, I am gonna be a doctor,
like Howard.

147
00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:13,920
You know it takes seven years
of hard training?

148
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:17,920
All right, erm...
Ooh, a surgical nurse, like Mum.
<font color="

149
00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:18,760
OK...

150
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:22,400
A hospital administrator.

151
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:26,920
That would be so great! That so
would. Safe, Molly. It's gonna be

152
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:26,920
so totally wicked, though.

153
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:33,880
You're so lucky, Molly. I just wish
<font color="

154
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:41,200
Of course you can. Oh, quite the

155
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:41,200
little chatterbox now, aren't we,
now we're with our friends?

156
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,640
..and I think you get a name badge.

157
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:47,080
What?! Erm, I just came to see
if you needed anything.

158
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<font color="

159
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No!

160
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Ah! Dad, glad I caught you.

161
00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:01,800
Listen, no pressure, but maybe we
could fix a time for my slide show?

162
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:06,960
Your what? I've got some
candid shots of an absolutely

163
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:06,960
fascinating Masai tribal ritual.

164
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,440
<font color="

165
00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:12,720
I've got bigger things to worry
about. Bigger than the Serengeti?

166
00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:14,920
See, now you're interested.

167
00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:16,760
No, not in the slightest.

168
00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:18,800
Now, go and whittle a phallus.

169
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:26,640
What's up with Molly?

170
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:29,040
If she's not grunting,
<font color="

171
00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:30,800
What's next, a knee in the groin?

172
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,920
Do you want me to help? No, I
want to know if you're behind it.

173
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,840
Don't be dense, Jimmy. It's you.

174
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:39,640
You upset her.
What, she told you that?

175
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:41,240
No, but I have my ways.

176
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,520
<font color="
reading her diary, haven't you?

177
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,320
Not as such.

178
00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:50,400
Well, come on, then, what? Phone
tapping, steaming open her mail?

179
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:55,040
A periscope? She's got a weblog.

180
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:57,520
Has she?

181
00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:00,000
Oh, poor thing. Whereabouts?

182
00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:05,160
<font color="

183
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:07,160
Oh, yeah, I know that.

184
00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:10,040
It's called a webble.

185
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:11,960
The blog.

186
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:15,440
Yeah, a blog. That's right. Yeah.
How do you know Molly's got one?

187
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:18,080
Alex told me. Diana, I'm shocked.

188
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:20,240
That is a gross invasion
<font color="

189
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:23,840
Look, she's a teenager,
she won't just offer things up.

190
00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:26,880
You have to discover them
for yourself. By spying?

191
00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:31,080
I'd prefer to call it
parenting by stealth.

192
00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:33,400
I must say,
<font color="

193
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:38,360
She lists her likes and dislikes,
her favourite teachers,
TV programmes, bands,

194
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:41,880
and breeds of dog, strangely enough.
I'm not interested.

195
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:45,000
Not even what she has to say
about Siobhan staying over?

196
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,720
<font color="

197
00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:50,480
No, I'm not interested.
Just a little peek? No.

198
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:52,240
It's a real eye-opener.

199
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:56,360
Diana, if I want to engage with

200
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:56,360
Molly, I'll do it in my own way,
thank you.

201
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:10,040
Molly!

202
00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:19,960
<font color="

203
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:22,720
What you do? Can't remember.

204
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:31,600
What did you have for lunch?
The usual.

205
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:33,320
Don't fancy a lift, then?

206
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,160
No.

207
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:37,760
Hello, Ellie.

208
00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,920
Hello, Mr Venables.

209
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:43,640
<font color="

210
00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:46,120
It's just like being back on safari.

211
00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:51,160
And there,
on the horizon, we can see a herd

212
00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:54,880
of hippos from year ten stampeding
majestically toward the chip shop.

213
00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:57,560
Get down from there!
Sssh, Dad, you'll spook them.

214
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:06,840
<font color="
Molly home from school.

215
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:09,760
How do you know I didn't? Because
she came home ten minutes ago.

216
00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:15,360
Oh, right.
She must have walked off when I was
coaxing Alex off the roof rack.

217
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:18,400
So glad to see you engaging
<font color="

218
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:20,680
She wouldn't even get in the van.

219
00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:22,800
What a pity. Molly, dear?

220
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,360
What?

221
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,640
I'm making home-made hamburgers
for dinner

222
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:29,960
with red onions and crinkle-cut

223
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:29,960
chips, just like your mum makes.

224
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:33,520
<font color="

225
00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:35,320
Cool! That's my favourite.

226
00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:37,720
Really?

227
00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:45,560
That's amazing(!) Oh, and I
bought you the new Arcade Fire CD
and this magazine about Dalmatians.

228
00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:48,640
My favourite band
<font color="

229
00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:51,160
Wow(!) How did you know(?)

230
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:53,240
Because I'm a wonderful grandmother.

231
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:57,840
Dinner will be ready in 27 minutes,
your favourite number,

232
00:13:57,840 --> 00:13:59,480
so run along and get changed.

233
00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:02,400
OK. And, er, thanks, Gran.

234
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:10,040
Now, Jimmy,
<font color="

235
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:13,360
Positive. The water's lovely.
And polluted.

236
00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:17,960
Oh, come on,
take the weight off your high horse.

237
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,280
It's just a tool to get compliance.

238
00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:24,560
You're like something out of
<font color="

239
00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:26,160
No, the pig in Animal Farm.

240
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,160
Alex... Eh? Don't you knock?

241
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:37,120
I could have been doing anything.

242
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:38,920
You weren't, though, were you?

243
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:42,960
No. Thank God.
I need to look on your computer.

244
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:45,880
<font color="
to see my holiday photos.

245
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:50,760
No, no, no, I need to look at
Molly's blog. Sure you don't want
to see my holiday photos?

246
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:55,880
Alex, I don't have time for this,
I'm trying to take an interest
in one of my children.

247
00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:58,680
<font color="

248
00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:05,320
There it is - "The Unfair Life of
a Teenage Victim" by Cyber Girl X.

249
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,480
Well, how do you know that's Molly?

250
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:11,160
"My dad can be such a git
sometimes." Yeah, that's Molly.

251
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:15,360
"He keeps picking me up from
school in a crappy builder's

252
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:15,360
<font color="

253
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:19,040
"since the Eighties and then he's
surprised when I don't get in." Ah.

254
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:21,400
So that's the big problem.

255
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:23,480
"But that's not the big problem."

256
00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:26,400
Oh. "There's also his girlfriend.

257
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:29,960
"Well, I say 'girl',
but she's, like, really old.

258
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:33,880
<font color="

259
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:33,880
and she's practically moved in."

260
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:37,520
"I don't mind him sleeping
in Mum's bed, but her?"

261
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:42,440
I've got to talk to Molly
about this. No, wait, Dad,

262
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:42,440
she's not gonna listen to you.

263
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:45,840
The way to a teenager's mind
<font color="

264
00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:48,040
Go on.

265
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:53,600
Look, you can post a comment
or even go into a chat room, see?
Oh, yeah.

266
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,320
There's a comment about you
here from Tina G.

267
00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:59,360
"Don't be too hard on your dad.

268
00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:03,080
"Remember you can't
<font color="

269
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,840
Well, thanks a lot, Tina G.

270
00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:06,720
Who does she think she is?

271
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:09,800
Actually, it's Gran. Gran?

272
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:15,600
Yeah. She set up an online identity
as ice-skating Arctic Monkeys fan

273
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:15,600
Tina G.

274
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:19,280
<font color="
she felt... No, I meant
how did she do it?

275
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:21,160
Oh, yeah. I helped her.

276
00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:23,600
First, you've got to pick a name...

277
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:27,800
OK. How about...Sheila?

278
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:30,480
That's a bit old, Dad.

279
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:32,200
What about...

280
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,240
<font color="

281
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,640
Three. Four. Done.

282
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,160
Oh, it's all right,
Bobby's serving me.

283
00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:47,920
Oh, is he? Yeah, yeah. Oh, you'll
have a long wait, then.
I don't mind.

284
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,640
<font color="
to Calais.

285
00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:53,680
Just a Coke, please.

286
00:16:56,160 --> 00:17:01,240
Hello, gorgeous. What a lovely smile.

287
00:16:56,160 --> 00:17:01,240
You don't get many of them
to the pound.

288
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:05,200
Excuse me, Kev, you're talking
to my girlfriend. Not any more.

289
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:10,280
<font color="
like the juke box or the dartboard.

290
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,040
Or the pub weirdo.

291
00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:15,720
..So what we doing tonight?
Am I coming round to the house?

292
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:17,720
Oh, erm, I haven't decided.

293
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:21,080
Well, don't leave it too long
or I might fall for this charmer.

294
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:26,960
<font color="
it's a bit awkward at the moment,
erm, you coming round to the house.

295
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,720
I think Molly's a bit upset
about you staying over.

296
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:34,800
What, you "think"?
Have you asked her about it? Not
<font color="

297
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,840
She keeps mentioning it on her blog.

298
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:41,120
Her blog? Oh, great(!) Well,
what else has she said about me?

299
00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:45,760
If I Google the words
"slutty homewrecker", does
my picture come up? No, no, no.

300
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,040
<font color="
Angelina Jolie first.

301
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:54,120
Well, at least I know where I stand.

302
00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:56,560
No, it's all right,
I'm working on it.

303
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:59,960
Oh, well, I'm REALLY worried now.

304
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:04,240
So you've been reading
my daughter's blog?

305
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,160
No.

306
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:10,160
<font color="

307
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,360
"Hi. Anyone out there?

308
00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:21,400
"Tina G? Emilee K?

309
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,400
"It's pretty crap here tonight.

310
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,440
"No-one seems to understand me.

311
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,680
"No-one gives a stuff what I think."

312
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:31,080
"I care what you think,
and I'm sure your gran does, too.

313
00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:32,920
<font color="

314
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:36,480
"She sounds well sensible...dude."

315
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:38,480
Oh, for God's sake.

316
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:42,400
"Don't listen to Tina G.

317
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:48,400
"Your gran sounds like
an interfering old bat."

318
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:52,000
"Your dad's the man.

319
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:56,280
"I think he's much misunderstood."

320
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,000
"Innit."

321
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,760
<font color="

322
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:02,640
"What you mean, 'misunderstood'?

323
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:05,040
"He's as deep as a puddle."

324
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:06,560
"Hear, hear.

325
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:12,400
"Innit." "Butt out, Tina G.

326
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:16,640
"I think your dad sounds great."

327
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:18,800
"GR8." Thanks.

328
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:20,880
"GR8."

329
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:24,240
<font color="

330
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:24,240
Door! Can someone get that?

331
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,200
We're busy. So am I.

332
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:27,680
DOOR BELL RINGS AGAIN

333
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,000
Oh, she's logged off. Oh!

334
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:36,160
Never mind, there's still Tina G.

335
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,400
Remember, Dad, think street.

336
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:43,480
<font color="

337
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:46,000
"where you get off

338
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:50,920
"dissing Cyber Girl's dad?"

339
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:54,480
Oh, it's you.

340
00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:01,320
Nice to see you've put some
clothes on. He's in there.

341
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,160
Er, actually, I've come to see you.

342
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,320
Me? Mm-hm.
<font color="

343
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:15,040
"Emileeee K, ya dirty ho.

344
00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:24,280
"I'm gonna mash you up
after school, for true."

345
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:39,040
I think that was uncalled for.

346
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:42,160
Don't take it personally, Dad.
She doesn't know it's you.

347
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,600
Oh, you're right.

348
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:52,400
<font color="
any way I want. Steady on, Dad!

349
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:54,960
Language!

350
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:58,360
You don't blame me, it's Emileeee K.

351
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:02,960
I see, young lady.

352
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:06,320
You want to play hardball, do you?

353
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:09,360
So, I hear you're upset
about me staying the night here.

354
00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:12,800
<font color="
Actually, I know you could.

355
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:14,840
Well, I'm sorry,

356
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:19,760
it was supposed to be secret
and a little bit naughty, not

357
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:19,760
public and massively humiliating.

358
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:23,680
You can thank your dad for that.
Yep, it's always Dad's fault.

359
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:26,160
<font color="

360
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,360
It IS always Dad's fault.

361
00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:32,040
He never thinks. Oh, he does think.
Two or three times a day.

362
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,760
You must have heard the little
hamster scuttling around its wheel.

363
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:38,000
How hard is it to pick someone up
<font color="

364
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:42,400
Well, he can't have his eye on the
clock all the time. Or the calendar.

365
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:45,880
And when we do come home, we find
he's completely messed up the house.

366
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:49,400
You see? He can be very thorough
when he puts his mind to it.

367
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,400
<font color="

368
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,360
Well, I was, but he doesn't
give me much to work with.

369
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,200
What were you doing in my mum's bed?

370
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:03,840
Would you believe me if I said
I was waiting for a cup of tea?

371
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:08,040
Good God, where does
Diana learn this stuff?

372
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:12,400
<font color="
what that word means.

373
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:22,880
Mmm, that's a zinger!

374
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:28,040
Whoo!

375
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:37,360
Right, we've got to think of
something really nasty, something
that's gonna really hit her hard.

376
00:22:37,360 --> 00:22:39,920
OK, what about a "Yo, mama"?

377
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:43,080
<font color="
like, erm,

378
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:47,680
"Your mama's so fat, she jumped
in the air and got stuck."

379
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:51,920
Excellent!

380
00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:54,200
Cos her mother WAS quite large.

381
00:22:57,360 --> 00:23:00,920
"Actually,
my mother had a thyroid problem."

382
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:05,400
<font color="

383
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:08,520
"And whilst we're on the subject,
YOUR mama

384
00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:12,760
"was so illiterate she never taught
you how to spell 'your mother'."

385
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:16,200
This street talk's thirsty work.
I need a cup of tea.

386
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:19,280
OK, we've got to think of another
<font color="

387
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:21,200
Hello, boys. Fancy a cup of tea?

388
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:23,280
Yeah, please.

389
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:27,360
How 'bout "Your mama's so ugly,

390
00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:31,560
"whenever she goes into the bathroom
she gets seven years' bad luck."

391
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:33,560
Yeah, put it in, put it in!

392
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:44,440
What are you doing?

393
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:47,400
<font color="

394
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:52,320
We're just downloading some porn.

395
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:04,000
So, Emileeee K, we meet at last.

396
00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:09,040
Listen, don't be too hard
on your dad.

397
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:12,560
He may be an idiot,
but he's a caring idiot.

398
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:18,000
Do you know he told me not to
come round to the house any more

399
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:18,000
<font color="

400
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:19,560
He didn't need to do that.

401
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:22,200
Yeah, I know he didn't.
That's why I ignored him.

402
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:25,920
Hang on,
where is Dad getting this all from?

403
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:28,840
Where do you think?
He read it on your blog.

404
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:32,040
<font color="

405
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:32,040
Only cos your gran was doing it.

406
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,000
Gran's been reading my blog?

407
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,080
That's gross! It's private.

408
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,040
Yeah, it's so private
you put it on the internet?

409
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:43,080
You've got to be careful.
You don't know who's out there.
<font color="

410
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:46,800
Wait till I tell Emileeee K
and Tina G about this.

411
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:53,320
Reading your daughter's blog?

412
00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:56,880
I only did it
cos you've been doing it.

413
00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:00,480
What a compelling argument(!)
It's OK because we're both doing it.

414
00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:04,600
I don't think Molly
<font color="

415
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:08,280
No, she won't, will she, Diana?

416
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:11,240
Oh, you wouldn't. Oh, wouldn't I?

417
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:14,880
Look, I won't tell her if you won't.

418
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:17,080
OK, it's a deal.

419
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,800
I think you might be
forgetting something.

420
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,960
<font color="

421
00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:26,760
You will do nothing of the sort.
Of course not, no.

422
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:30,200
IF you agree to look at
all my photos of Africa.

423
00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:37,080
OK. Yay! Slide show at seven.

424
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:38,200
You too, Gran.

425
00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:46,520
The trouble with the Serengeti
<font color="
looks pretty much like another,

426
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:50,200
and because leopards are designed
to blend in with the background,

427
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:53,720
I had to take Alex's word for it
that they were actually there.

428
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:57,480
And the thing with
digital photography is you never
<font color="

429
00:25:57,480 --> 00:26:01,360
and you know some of those
memory cards can hold
up to a thousand pictures?

430
00:26:01,360 --> 00:26:03,920
Experience?

431
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:06,520
Experience!

432
00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:09,800
Sorry, boss, I was just
watching this paint dry.

433
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:11,520
PHONE RINGS

434
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:19,120
<font color="

435
00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:25,160
Listen, Molly's not home. I've
just checked her blog and she says
that she's going to a rave tonight.

436
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:29,480
A rave? Where? A field in Hampshire.
I'll fill you in when you get home.

437
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:31,440
All right, I'll be right there.

438
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:37,000
<font color="
have to finish that on your own.
No problem, boss, leave it to me.

439
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:44,080
Eight, nine, ten.

440
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:51,360
It's quiet tonight.

441
00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:53,040
Yep.

442
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:56,080
It reminds me of that night

443
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:56,080
we spent on the lodge on safari.

444
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:57,960
<font color="

445
00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:00,280
to see my photos? No.

446
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:02,080
I was there, remember?

447
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,600
Oh.

448
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:06,920
Where's Dad and Gran? Don't know,

449
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:10,040
but Emileeee K and Tina G are
learning a valuable lesson.

450
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:14,200
<font color="
you read on the internet.

451
00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:29,880
Who's that?

452
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:35,760
That's a drunken farmhand coming
home from the pub. How do you know?

453
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:38,800
It could be a member
of an indie band or a roadie.

454
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:44,040
What's that?

455
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:48,560
<font color="
hanging from a tree.

456
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:53,000
Or a drug dealer. Come on,
let's go home.

457
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:57,800
Nonsense. This thing doesn't start
till eleven o'clock.
It said so in her blog.

458
00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:02,360
It's gone midnight now.

459
00:28:02,360 --> 00:28:04,400
<font color="

460
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:09,400
So, what time does this rave
start, then?

461
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:12,880
I'm well up for this tonight.
Have you brought some whistles?

462
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:15,120
If not, you can have one of mine.
Come on!

463
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,440


464
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:24,400


465
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:26,720
<font color="

466
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:28,600


467
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:32,680


468
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:37,040

and you'll want me only

469
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:39,040


470
00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:43,360


471
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:46,000
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

472
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:49,560
<font color="